Spoilers: various, up to Arcadia





----

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner





Fox and I were watching reruns of the Dick Van Dyke Show on his couch

two nights ago, and I took the opportunity to tease him about the first

case I'd given him when he and Dana returned to the X-Files.



"Not one of your better plans, lover."



"Oh?"



"Come *on*.  Did you think she wouldn't see right through that?"



"See through what?"  I blinked at him and tried to look innocent.



He turned off the TV.  "Look.  Let's just get it out in the open.  Yes,

I want to fuck Scully.  No, I wasn't going to on a case.   Yes, I teased

her a little too much.  No, she is not ever going to fuck me; she thinks

I'm too screwed up, and I'm fine with that.  Satisfied?"



"Jesus, Fox--"



"Besides, Walt, you haven't gone back for seconds, how good could it be?"



"That's a rotten thing to say.  Especially since it was actually quite

enjoyable."



"Yeah, well."  He fell silent and I thought about letting the matter drop. 

He turned the TV back on and settled into the couch.



But...  "Did you say you teased her?"



"Yeah."



"What about?"



"Just teasing, Walt.  God."



"Huh."  I picked up the phone.



"What the hell are you doing?"



"Dana?  Hi, it's me.  I'm over at Fox's.  Come over, will you?"



"Son of a--"  Fox grabbed the phone.  "Scully?  Scully?"  He threw

it at me.  "She hung up."  He glared at me.  "And since when do you call

her Dana?"



"Since I feel like it, you pain in the ass."



"Hello, my ass is usually on the receiving end here."



"Not always."



"Most of the time."



"Shut up," I said, aimably.  "We need to clean up before she gets here."



"Why?"



"Because, lover, we are going to take her to bed."



----





It took some persuading, but Fox eventually gave in and helped me clean.

I poked around in the kitchen, hoping to find something I could cook, 

until Fox chased me out and started making dinner.  I let him, because he's

a much better cook than I am.  With the amount of junkfood he eats, I'd

been surprised the first time he'd cooked for me.  And even more surprised

that it had rivalled Sharon's cooking.



So when Dana knocked on the door, I answered it, rather than interrupt Fox.

He might not be the easily-damaged creature I used to think he was--but his

cooking might be.



"Hi.  Fox is making dinner."



"Why did you call?"  No dissembling.



"I..." I looked over my shoulder at the kitchen and wondered if we should

disturb Mulder after all.



"What's he making?  Mac and cheese?"  She headed past me to talk to her 

partner.  My lover.  I followed.



Fox was dancing as he worked, singing along with Soft Cell's "Tainted Love"

on the radio.  He tossed some raisins and peppers into a large pan and

then cut into a monstrous red onion.  



"...oooh, tainted love..."  He bounced happily as he sang, and didn't seem to

be aware of the two of us in the doorway.



There was something unbearably erotic about him, about the joy he found

in cooking and singing to himself.  The old jeans he wore were mine, and

they were worn through on part of one thigh.  His hair was tousled, and

he was wearing one of his many grey t-shirts.  I yanked my attention away

from him and saw that Dana was breathing too quickly, and that her nipples

were erect beneath her blouse.  



Oh sweet Jesus--



"Mulder," Dana said, breaking the spell.



"Hey, Scully."  He grinned at her, then winked at me.  "Well, Walt, I'm

barefoot in the kitchen.  Now you need to get me pregnant."



"With all the technological advances these days, I'm sure that will be

possible soon."



"I can hardly wait."  He picked up an eggplant and eyed me speculatively.



"Down, boy," I said mildly.



"Oh, c'mon.  I taught you how to dice.  That's all I need."



"Fine."  I took the eggplant and found a vegetable knife in the utensil

drawer.  Dana looked a little shell-shocked.  "I was surprised, too. 

Who would've thought Mr. Takeout could cook?"



"No point in cooking for one, lover.  Scully, hand me that garlic press,

will you?"



She did so.  "So.  Um.  Mulder.  How long--"



"Oooh, look, Walt, she didn't think I could sustain a normal relationship

either!  I'm so lucky to have a partner who thinks so highly of me."



"You can't blame her, Fox.  You act like an idiot a lot."



He tossed the onion into the pot and started crushing garlic on top of 

the growing pile.  "Spinach pasta or saffron rice?"



"I'm allergic to saffron," Scully said.  



"Spinach it is."  He disappeared into the pantry.



"Are you two going to tell me what this is about?"



"Well--"  Fox's voice was muffled by the door.  "Walt wants to get you into

bed, and I want to fix you dinner first.  Trust me, you're going to need your

strength."



I started to choke.



Fox poked his head out of the pantry and stared at me in concern.  "Walt,

don't dice it so fine you're inhaling it."



A soft thump alerted us both to the fact that Dana was now sitting on the

floor, leaning against the doorframe, staring at us in shock.



Oh, God...



--- 



To her credit, she recovered quickly.  Which was a relief, because Fox 

decided the best tactic was to ignore her and continue cooking.  I would

no sooner go over and start trying to talk to her than he would assign 

me to chopping something or measuring something else.



After a few minutes, she stood up and dusted herself off.  "Were, ah,"

she began.  We stopped and looked at her.  "Were you going to ask me 

about this?"



"No, actually," Fox replied.  "Walter was going to kidnap you and spank you,

but I thought that dinner might be a better way of persuading you--"



"Cut the crap, Mulder."



He raised an eyebrow and stirred the veggies.  "Walter, there are chicken

breasts marinating in the fridge.  Could you get them out for me?"



"Mulder!"



He looked at her.  "Scully.  You think I'm one royally fucked up excuse 

for a human being.  Fine.  Walter here thinks we can convince you otherwise.  

I think you're a hopeless case and that we should just let you be.  But

no one is going to be happy about this until he tries to make you see what

he thinks is sense.  He'll nag me about it every day.  He'll bring it up

during sex.  My life won't be worth living until he gives it his best shot,

so you'd better just be prepared to deal with it."



I put the chicken breasts on the counter and threw a dishtowel at his head.



"See what I mean, Scully?"  He turned back to the vegetables.



"You *are* a royally fucked up excuse for a human being."  She crossed her

arms and stared at him.



"Told you it was hopeless, Walter."



I frowned.  "You're wrong, Dana.  You're dead wrong about him."



"Look, I appreciate that you're his boyfriend and all, but--"



"Agent Scully!"  She froze.  "Agent, has it occurred to you that such a 

skewed view of your partner is dangerous in the field?"



"Sir, with all due--"



"I suggest you rethink your position, Agent.  Both personally and 

professionally."



She folded her arms and glared at me.  When I didn't flinch, she glared

at Fox.  He was absorbed in cooking, however, and failed to notice her.

Finally she sighed.  "Sir, why don't you think he's fucked up?"



"I don't deny that he has problems, Agent.  He has had a number of traumatic

experiences and has made some extremely ill-informed decisions in the past.

However, he is intelligent, stable, has good impulse control, passes

both his psychs and his physicals with flying colors, and is extraordinarily

resistant to stress.  He has been under the pressure of a certain 

conspiracy since he was very young, and has always maintained his ability

to fight that pressure.  In fact, he utterly failed to crack under the strain.

He occasionally gets very fucked up by certain profiling cases, but this 

is not unusual among the better profilers and should not be held against him.

He is resiliant and quite intuitive, making him a valuable asset despite

his disregard of authority, which dates back to his time under Patterson,

although not before, which leads me to speculate that Patterson in some

way abused Agent Mulder's trust in authority and thus set him on his 

present course."



I heard Fox trying not to laugh, and pointedly ignored him.  Scully was 

staring at me, open-mouthed.



"On a more personal note, Dana, he's really incredible in bed."



"Dinner," Fox announced, "will be ready in 2 minutes."



"I mean it," I said.  "Really, really incredible.  The most talented mouth

and hands in the Bureau."



"Walter, can you set the table?"



"Isn't there any way I can persuade you to try it, Dana?"



She still had her mouth open.  I reached out and pushed her chin up.  She

just stared at me for a moment, then turned to Fox.



"Is there anything you'd like me to carry in for you?"



I smiled at him over her head.  As she left the room with a bowl of 

pasta, he winked at me.  "Walter 1, Scully 0," he said.  "You may actually

win this war, lover.  And if you do, I'm going to make you come so hard..."



"Promises, promises," I said as I pulled plates out of the cupboard.



---



After dinner, Dana eyed us warily.  "So."



"So?" I asked.



"Well..." she said.  I looked over at Fox, who nodded.  I picked her up

and carried her to the bedroom.  He followed us in and leaned in the 

doorway as I sat down on the bed and settled her across my knees.  "What

the hell are you doing?" she asked, squirming in an extremely arousing

manner.



"Kidnapping you and spanking some sense into you, my dear."  I raised my

hand and brought it down, hard enough to sting but not to hurt.  She yelped

and wiggled some more.  I struck her again, a little softer.



"All right, all right!"  She slid off of my lap onto the floor.  I let her

go, and she knelt next to my legs, staring at me.  "Frankly, Walter," she

said, "I doubt that his hands and mouth are any more talented than yours,

but I'm willing to give it a try."  She slid her hands over my thighs,

reaching for the snap of my jeans.  "But only if you play too."



I looked up and met Fox's eyes and he un-leaned and walked into the room, 

his bare feet silent on the floor.  He bent down and kissed me, hard, then

drew Dana up between us, pressing her between our bodies.  Oh God--



He broke the kiss and her mouth found mine, as sweet and wonderful as it

had been that first time.  Fox was undressing us both--I could feel his

hands on me, then my clothes were gone, and then hers and I knew neither

I nor she had done it--and then himself and he was curled behind me, his

cock hard against my ass, one hand between me and Dana, stroking between

her legs until she shuddered and cried out against my mouth.



I chuckled and slid away from them, intent on the nightstand drawer, where

Fox kept the condoms and lubricant.  Halfway there Dana grabbed my hips

and licked the head of my penis.  I froze--hadn't been expecting that--and

then she lowered her head and Goddamn whoever taught that woman to give head

taught her well.  If Fox hadn't pulled her away and kissed her--well.



I took two condoms from the drawer and tossed one to him, which he caught

without looking up.  Dana pulled back and looked at him, then at me.



"Nanotech," I said, and she nodded, her eyes clearing.  I was relieved not 

to have to explain further.



I sat back to watch them, the two people I'd dreamed about for so long--



She wrapped her legs around him as he entered her, arched her back, 

closed her eyes.  "Oh, God," she whispered, "oh God."  He moved against her,

the long muscles of his legs clenching and releasing, sweat streaking his

back.  "Oh God," she said again, and I saw her tremble, hovering on the

edge of orgasm.



"Walter, please," Fox said, holding himself very still.  "Please."



I moved towards them, knelt behind them, and began to prepare Fox.  I

brushed his prostate with my fingers and he thrust into her; I withdrew

slightly and he moved back against my hand.  "Please," he said, and

I wiped my hand on my discarded shirt and put on the condom, slicked it 

with lubricant, and reached for Dana.



I lifted her easily, pulling her against Fox and then him back against me,

so that his weight was on my thighs and she was on his lap.  He buried his

face in her breasts--those beautiful alabaster breasts--and shuddered; 

I wrapped one arm around them both and leaned back on the other.



Oh God, I thought as I thrust into him and he into her, I swear if you 

let me keep them I'll do anything you want.  I swear--and I angled a

thrust to hit Fox's prostate, so that he cried out and came, taking

Dana and I with him--anything, I swear, if I can just keep them.



Afterwards, Dana snuggled between us.  Fox lazily reached over her and

stroked my hip.  "Walter 2, Scully 0," he said.  "I told you I'd make

you come hard if you won, and you did, and I did.  Wasn't it nice?"



"Mmm," I replied.



"What do I get out of this?" Dana asked, nuzzling my chest.



"Great sex and two devoted boyfriends?"



"Damn, and I wanted a houseboy."



That was two nights ago.



Dana is already here, at my place, rearranging furniture.  She claims I

have no sense of room design.  Fox has gone shopping--he promised to

make dinner again--but I suspect he's actually making a side trip to

the AdultMart.  He claims he'd make an adorable houseboy.



Well, he would.  Of course, so would I.



---