Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 17:28:33 -0500 (EST)

From: Laura Jacquez Valentine 

To: xslash-stories@squidge.org, post+alt.tv.x-files.creative@andrew.cmu.edu

cc: Laura Jacquez Valentine 

Subject: X/STORY NEW: ROL: Shanti/Ashtangi 



Title: Ray of Light: Shanti/Ashtangi

Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine (laurav@stones.com)

Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc.

Spoilers: various, up to Terms of Endearment (sort of)

Rating:  PG-13 for language and discussion of m/m sex

Summary: This is the eighth in a series of stories about 

the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and 

Scully.  Shanti/Ashtangi takes place just after The Beginning, and

contains lots of SkinnerAngst.



In my own little X-Files universe, Diana is Mulder's ex-wife, which

explains the wedding ring in Travellers and Unusual Suspects.



Although the titles for the series come from

Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. 

For the earlier stories in the series, see

http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez/writing/fanfic.html



Feedback to jacquez+@andrew.cmu.edu or laurav@stones.com



----



Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner



They took them away from me.  The no-contact order is in my desk at work.

I'm thinking of having it framed and hung in my office.  They won't know

how to interpret that, will they?  Am I reminding myself?  Am I

protesting?  God fucking dammit, they took Fox and Dana away from me.



I have my sources, and I still have the X-Files.  Spender and his paper

shredder seem to be well-acquainted already, but I have the custodial

staff on my side.  Fox will get regular packages of shredded X-Files.  I

know he's rebuilding some he salvaged from the fire and "forgot" to turn

over to me, what are a few more?



Oh, Fox...I dreamed of you last night, of the way you felt against me.  I

woke up hard and almost drove to your apartment.  Jealousy and desire

again, hoping to find you alone and wanting, as I was.  The no-contact

order hurts.  I'd give anything for the chance to deny a 302 for you

again.  To be close enough to smell Dana's perfume and your aftershave.



Anything for the two of you.  They caught me helping you, and now I

couldn't be more on the outside than if I'd voted to reassign you to the

X-Files.  Spender is in the smoking man's pocket, I can feel it.  Kersh is

playing a dangerous game, a game I once played, a game I lost by choosing

truth over power.  I'm as far outside as you, Dana, Fox...and I'm cut off

from you, desperate for a sign.  Anything that tells me you trust me,

that you still want my help in the fight.



Since I've lost them, I've come to know myself.  For the first time in

years I know where I stand.  When did I cross that line?  When I kissed

him?   When I knew I loved them both?  When I saw how much he trusted me,

when his eyes burned into me as he said Blevins' name?  When Dana

apologized to me from her hospital bed?



I thought I was sitting on a fence.  Suddenly, I've found myself miles

into forbidden territory.  It's a feeling I remember.



I wonder if this time it'll be the death of me.



It can't be any worse than living without them.





----

End "Shanti/Ashtangi".  Skinner gets some, I swear, in #9: "Frozen".





laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez

"Prozac? Grape-flavored. Chewable. Mmm."  --Goats

Jesus is a meme. -+- http://www.memepool.com/