Nothing Really Matters

Title: Ray of Light: Nothing Really Matters

Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine (laurav@stones.com)

Codes: M/Sk/Sc, M/Sk, Sk/Sc, M/Sc.

Spoilers: various, up to All Souls.

Rating: PG-13 for language, innuendo, discussion of m/m sex.

Summary: This is the sixth a series of stories about 

the complicated relationship between Mulder, Skinner, and 

Scully.  Nothing Really Matters takes place shortly after the 

previous Ray of Light story, Skin, and after All Souls.



Although the titles for the series come from

Madonna's _Ray of Light_, these aren't songfics. 

Feedback to jacquez+@andrew.cmu.edu or laurav@stones.com



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Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner



Dana came to see me earlier today.  It was the funniest thing,

seeing her at my door, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that read

"You Don't Know Me: Federal Witness Protection Program".



"Mulder got it for me," she explained as she stepped inside without

waiting for an invitation.  "He called me this morning and said

you might want someone to talk to."



I ran a hand over my head and sighed as we walked to the

living room and sat down on the couch. "Did he tell you why?"



"Yes.  He said that the other night, you two--"



"Had sex. Yes. And he...Dana, he is the strangest person I've ever--

hell."



She laughed.  "He's got some problems.  Self-hate being one of

them.  That's why I've never slept with him."  She cocked her 

head to one side and smiled at me.  "He said he did let you

reciprocate, eventually."



"Eventually.  When he was half-asleep the next morning."



"You should have tied him down and given him a good spanking 

when he pulled that touch-me-not shit, Walter.  I chewed

him out for it when he told me."



She called me Walter.  Not sir, not A.D. Skinner.  I felt my 

breath catch and hoped it wasn't audible.  "Thank you, Dana."



"He told me the next day what had happened, you know. But he

seemed to think you were OK with it.  And then...I suppose you said

something or did something that made him think you weren't. I don't

know what."



I snorted.  "I probably started mooning after him or something 

nonsensical like that.  I wish...I wish he'd come back.  When

he's acting normally, he's...fun."  I realized what I had said,

and blushed.  "In and out of bed."



She looked away.  "I, uh, spent part of today in Confession.

Mulder told you about that...unofficial investigation I was doing?

Into those girls' deaths?"



"He mentioned it at work the other day."



She studied her hands for a second.  "It was something that I had

to just let happen, Walter.  I could have fought it, tried to

change it--but it wouldn't have worked.  I would have made things

worse.  Mulder and you--you just need to let it happen.  If 

you push him, he'll just retreat into his normal habits."



"What are his normal habits?"



Now she was blushing.  "They're...mostly solo habits, sir.  

Pornography and masturbation, and I have reason to suspect 

auto-erotic asphyxiation as well. Possibly anonymous pickups in 

bars and the like, though I doubt it, and possibly phone sex."



"Possibly?"



"Possibly."  She raised a bemused eyebrow at me.



"What makes it hard is that I love him, Dana.  And I love you."



"Walter, that's also what makes it *matter*."  I looked into those

eyes, those incredible blue eyes.  I inhaled and smelled her, like

heaven on earth.  She blinked and smiled again.  "Here.  I thought you

might get a kick out of this.  I stole it from Mulder's desk."



She held out a microtape recorder and pressed play.  Her voice, tinny 

through the tiny speaker, said "Yesterday morning, when I arrived at 

work, you were, uh, characteristically exuberant."



The Texas vampire case.  Good God.  I laughed at her version, and

laughed even more at Fox's.  When they'd submitted their typed

report, and explained the case to me in my office, they'd left out

the screamingly funny bits--like Fox singing the theme to "Shaft".

Well, except for the buck teeth.  Fox seemed to have a real hangup about

those.  "I think his crush on you was showing," I told Dana after the tape

had finished.



"Doesn't it always?"  She leaned against me and I wrapped an arm around her,

held her close.  It felt good, this friendship, this trust.  We sat there a

long time, but finally she had to leave.  I kissed her goodbye, and she

promised to come by for dinner on Wednesday.



Nothing matters except that I love you, Dana, and that I love Fox.  If I

have to wait for this to unfold as you believe it should, Dana, I'll wait.

But I wonder what you believe it will be.  I hope it is the same thing I

believe it will...



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The End of "Nothing Really Matters".  Next story in the "Ray of Light"

series will be "Sky Fits Heaven".

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