Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1998 17:23:58 -0500



Spoilers: various, up to Redux II.





------------

Excerpts from the journal of Walter S. Skinner



I feel as though I can breathe for the first time in weeks.  Months.  Hell. 

Fox is sleeping across the room, snoring softly.  He couldn't go home, so I

insisted he sleep on my couch.  He looks so vulnerable lying there, his

mouth slack. 



His loyalty to me is incredible.  I knew I was being set up.  I knew there

was nothing I could do or say to stop it.  When I saw him in the hospital,

saw him alive, and had to tell him Dana was dying, that the end was so close

we could reach out and touch it--I thought he would turn against me, but he

didn't.  He trusted me.  He looked into my eyes with complete honesty and

told me what he knew.



Keep playing it the way you're playing it, I'd told him.  I knew he could do

it, could keep my head and his and hers above water.  The man who can

outswim the flood.



When I went to talk to Dana earlier this evening, she told me what she had

suspected.  She asked for forgiveness--not necessary, Dana my love.  I know

what they were doing.  She told me about Fox's refusal to believe that I was

the mole.  I was touched.  I felt blessed.  Only Fox would ignore all the

evidence because he knew, somehow, that it wasn't me.  Only Fox.



I kissed her on the forehead, slipping out of boss-mode for just a second. 

Beautiful Dana.  Her skin was still translucent, her bones still sharp

underneath.  But she no longer hated me, and she no longer hovered on the

edge of death.  She would live, thank God.



When I left, Fox was still sitting outside.  His fingers were smeared with

the Smoking Man's blood.  He'd tried to clean off the picture I'd given him,

the picture of him with his sister.  He looked calm, but his mouth gave him

away.  He'd been crying.  



"Do you have a place to stay?" I asked.



He stared at me blankly.  



"Your apartment isn't in any shape to be slept in, Agent Mulder."



He smiled then, a small rueful smile.  "I can stay at Scully's.  I have a

key..."



"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone."



He sighed and stood up.  "No, I don't suppose it is.  You offering, sir?"



"I'm offering.  I don't have a spare bedroom, but I do have a couch."



"A couch."  He looked disappointed.  Not my imagination, I'm sure of it, in

light of what happened shortly afterwards.



We left the hospital together, after he said a brief goodbye to Dana--a

goodbye which included a perfect replica of my kiss.  Does she know how

lucky she is that you love her, Fox?  I hope she does.  I'd hate to see you

unappreciated.



We reached my building without incident, but when we got to my apartment--



He turned to me and smiled, a tired, thin smile.  "Sir?"



"Agent Mulder?"



And he was in my arms, holding onto me.  Tightly--so very tightly.  I

reached up and tilted his head back, tangling my fingers in his hair,

looking down into his face.  This was so sudden.  He was shaking against me,

and that mouth of his...



I kissed him.  Softly.  Not really expecting a reaction, but unable to

resist.



And he leaned into me, returned the kiss.  Pulled me closer to him.  I could

feel his erection pressing against me, and I knew he must feel mine.  I

guided him to the couch and drew him down with me.



I held him and kissed him and that, dammit, is all.  He's too vulnerable

now, too shell-shocked.  And so am I.  After an hour he fell asleep.  He's

covered in an afghan Sharon once made as a birthday present for me.



Fox, living and breathing, loyal and perhaps loving, asleep near me.  Dana

coming back from the edge of death.  It's enough to restore weakened faith,

enough to make me feel God has allowed a ray of light into my life.



---