Date: 7 May 1999 11:40:35 -0400

Message-ID: 

From: Laura Jacquez Valentine 



Author: Laura Jacquez Valentine (laurav@stones.com)

Title: Tubthumping

Series: TOS

Archives: ASC/EM

Rating: PG (for boozin')

Codes: S, Mc, Sc, U

Summary: Spock, McCoy, and Scotty entertain themselves.  Set in the same 

universe as "Recommendation" and "Hug O' War".

Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns Star Trek, lock stock and barrel.

            Don't we know it.  The song is "Tub-thumping", by

            Chumbawumba. 



I'm sending this to ascem even though it's not smut, because ASCEM is

really my home base.  I'm sending this to Greywolf cuz he likes it when

I remember that his newsfeed is all sucky and cc my stuff to him, so

please be careful feedbacking and make sure you're not sending to him as 

well.



Cheers.



----------

I had Scott in one hand and and McCoy in the other, and both were drunk.

My fault--I shouldn't have taken them to that bar on Starbase 14, and I

shouldn't have ordered Vulcan spice liquor and then let them have a

taste of it.



I'd forgotten how much most humans love Vulcan spice liquor.



Which meant, of course, that *I* was drunk: sober, I would never have

forgotten.



I shook McCoy by his shirt collar, and he giggled.  "Nae, lad," said

Scott, "nae, dinna take us to our cabins.  The night is young!"  Both of 

them twisted in my grasp, and I tried not to break down and laugh.



Oh yes, I was drunk.  I hadn't been drunk in years, and I am not sure

what possessed me that night.



I dragged them to the officer's mess.  There, at least, we could be

reasonably sure that only senior staff would see us.  Uhura was there

when we got there, and she stared at us for a moment, as a slow grin

spread across her face.  "You took them to Slammin' Sally's, didn't

you?" 



"Sally's an old friend," I replied, which wasn't strictly true.  I did

have a childhood friend named Sally, but she was a biochemist--



Uhura helped me settle the two of them into chairs.  We stepped back and 

studied them.  "They are very drunk," I said.  "And I am...not entirely

sober, either."



She smiled at me and went over to the bank of cabinets on the back

wall.  "There's a stash of vodka...here it is."  She poured herself

three shots and tossed them back.  "There.  Now we're *all* drunk.  What 

are we going to do about it?"



"I believe it is traditional to sing and then have anonymous sex."



"That would be hard, wouldn't it, since we all know each other?"



"We could still sing."



She giggled.



Scott raised his head and blinked at us owlishly.  "I know the perfect

song, Spock.  Lassie...do ye know the one I mean?"



"How could I?  You haven't told me."



The engineer licked his lips and looked at me.  "Promise ye'll not

laugh, Mr. Spock."  I nodded, and he began to sing, in a forced

falsetto.  "Ooooh, Danny boy, Danny boy..."



I winced and covered my ears.  "Ye promised not to laugh!" he

exclaimed.  



"I'm not laughing," I responded.  And then the music started.



Apparently Uhura had recognized the song and had found it in the ship's

library.  Scott stood, staggering, and pulled McCoy up with him.  "Song

time, lad!"  He draped one of McCoy's semi-limp arms around me and the

other around himself.  



"I can't sing," said McCoy, against my shoulder.



"That's no attitude to have," Uhura said, who had attached herself to my 

other side.  "C'mon now."



Scott started bellowing along with the music.  "I get knocked down, but

I get up again.  They ain't never gonna keep me down.  I get knocked

down, but I get up again..."



McCoy and Uhura joined in.  "He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a

vodka drink, he drinks a lager drink, he drinks a cider drink..."



I listened carefully, and when the next chorus came around, I started

singing too.



I was a lot drunker than I thought, apparently.



The song ended and McCoy fell down.  Uhura turned around to get some

more vodka, and giggled.  "Well, hi, Captain sugar, what are you doing

here?"



I spun around to meet the utterly confused eyes of Jim Kirk.  "I can

see," he said slowly, "that my chief engineer, chief medical officer,

and my communications officer are drunk.  What I don't understand is why 

you're with them, Mr. Spock?"



I couldn't decide if he was trying not to have a nervous breakdown or

trying not to laugh.  "I am socializing, sir," I replied.  Uhura handed

me a shot glass filled with vodka.  "I am..."  I stared down at it.  "I

am learning how to be intoxicated, sir."



"I see..." he said.  "Well, carry on, Mr. Spock."



"Yessir."



He turned and left the room.  McCoy tried to climb back into a chair and 

fell down again.



I could hear Captain Kirk laughing all the way down the corridor.



And then the music started again...



---



The End