Disclaimer:  Paramount owns everything except the actual words of this

story.  In fact, I hear Paramount just struck a deal with God.



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I don't know if I can tell Sarek.  He has just come so close to

accepting Spock again.  If he becomes convinced that Spock has

remained in Starfleet for emotional reasons--I can't bear a silence

again. 



Sarek was sleeping in the back room of the Sickbay,

where McCoy thought he would have peace and quiet to recover from the

surgery.  I thought I could leave him for a time and have a chance to

talk to Spock.  What I saw as I looked through the doorway brought me

up short. 



My son had shed that hideous jumper they make patients wear.  He was

all in black, uniform pants and undershirt, barefoot, standing next to

Captain Kirk.  I thought the captain was asleep, and Spock must have

thought so too, because he reached out and laid a hand on Kirk's

shoulder.



I watched those slim fingers tighten, and my heart ached within me.

"He's my first officer, and my friend,"  Kirk had said to me.  And

Spock...Spock loves his captain beyond reason, beyond life.  I know

Vulcans well enough to know how they show love.  I had seen the same

expression on Sarek's face a thousand times.



Spock loosened his fingers and started to turn away.  He never

finished the motion.  Kirk's hand trapped his.  "You'll have to say it

sometime, you know."



Spock's voice was harsher than usual when he finally replied.  "I

know."



"The others..."



"The others are nothing.  You must have deduced that."



"So say it, Spock."



"No."



"Why not?"



"*Her*"



"I don't understand."



"The others--your others, not mine--have never asked what I would ask,

Jim.  I am as harsh a master as she is a mistress.  You would not

survive two of us."  My son freed his hand from the captain's and

disappeared into McCoy's office.



Kirk turned his head to the side.  I watched tears slide down his

face, and I thought I heard him whisper, "Damn you, my lady, damn

you."





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End