Close Shave



 Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek.  :)  I own the story.  Paramount

 would never understand the humor anyway.  This story was inspired by

 Jonathan Frakes shaving off his beard.

 

 ---

 

 "Number One?"  The captain utterly failed to keep surprise out of his

 voice as he stared at me.  I could feel my naked face turn pink under

 his eyes.  Deanna wasn't helping either--she looked like she was about

 to faint.

 

 "It's a long story, Captain."  It wasn't, really, but no one needed to

 know that.

 

 "It cannot be that long, Number One.  You were only off the ship for

 six hours."

 

 Dammit! "On shore leave, sir.  My time was my own."

 

 "Ah.  May I see you in my ready room, Number One?"

 

 Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT.  I nodded and followed him in.

 

 Once inside, he spun around to face me.  "Well?"

 

 "Sir?"  Maybe if I played innocent...

 

 "Spill it, Will."

 

 No, innocent wasn't going to work.  "I just decided to shave it off,

 sir."

 

 "Will.  Just last week--"

 

 "I know.  I changed my mind."  Just last week, I had been in Ten

 Forward vocally declaring the wonder of facial hair.  I was *never*

 going to hear the end of this one.

 

 "Ah. Will, what did you do on shore leave?"

 

 I blushed again.  Damn this skin, out from its hiding place.  Picard

 is not one to let a blush go when he thinks he might get a good story

 out of it, and he *knew* he was onto something here.  I gave in.  What

 else could I do?

 

 "There was this...well, she was great.  Legs like you wouldn't believe

 and a terrific sense of humor.  I found her in a bar, and we had a few

 drinks and decided to take a walk."

 

 "A walk."

 

 "A walk.  Jeez!  Anyway, we ended up back at her place, and

 we...um...well, you know what.  In the middle of it, she asks me if

 she can try something.  I said yes, and she whips out shaving cream

 and a 500-year-old straight razor--a real antique.  Gorgeous thing,

 ivory handle--anyway, we're there, going at it, and she's shaving me."

 

 "You're lucky she didn't cut your throat, Will."

 

 "She wouldn't do that to me!  She was a very nice woman."

 

 "I meant..."  Now it was his turn to blush.  "I meant, Number One,

 with all the bouncing around, you were at risk of an accident.  I

 can't afford to lose my first officer to a woman with a razor."

 

 I hadn't even *thought* of that.  Dear God--and I thought losing my

 *beard* was bad--I almost lost my *head*!!

 

 The captain must have read my thoughts, because he winked and started

 to laugh.  "It could have been worse, Will.  It could have been your

 other head..."

 

 ---

 

The End.

 

laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez

"I had no idea you were such a cad.  I'm impressed."

"Yes, Julian is gay. This seems to bother some people; they need to grow up."