Disclaimer: Star Trek & the characters within it belong to Paramount.  This

story and myself belongs to me.  Bob and Chaz belong to themselves, and

Universal Space Lines belongs to Pete Conrad.



--



This article was getting on my nerves.  I had so much I wanted to say, and

I couldn't narrow the focus enough to get the thing to work.  I frowned at

the computer and decided that the next time I wrote something about cheap

access to space, I wouldn't have Bob and Chaz give my email address out to

everyone under the sun.  I wondered whether Universal Space Lines would

make a good lead.  Of course, if it failed, I'd be more embarassed than

I'd ever been in my life.



"Thee will desist."  I didn't recognize the voice, and there really

shouldn't be anyone in my room.  I spun around, startled.



"Oh, ERIS."  My Discordianism was showing, and I thought I saw her

frown.  I couldn't be sure, of course, not on that face.  "T'Lar."  I

swallowed.  "What can I do for you, my lady?"



"Thee WILL desist."



I stood up slowly.  I did not want to annoy the high priestess of Mount

Seleya--especially when she was already annoyed.  "Desist in what?"



"The stories."



"They're perfectly good stories.  And I haven't written about the Kola--"



"Kroykah!"  



I froze.  This was serious.



"Thee WILL desist.  Thy portrayal of Vulcan is unacceptable."



"Unacceptable?  You know it's true," I protested.


She ignored me.  "If thee does NOT desist, the Kolinahru will take

ashv'cezh."



Ashv'cezh.  Revenge worse than death.  "Look, T'Lar, maybe we can cut a

deal.  I mean, I gave a good reason for Vulcans to have lots of nooky,

didn't I?  I'm sure there's some--" I backed away from her and stumbled--

"compromise we can reach.  Ow!"  The old woman was not shy about touching

me, and she had a grip like a le-matya.  I was angry now.  "What the hell

are you?  The reincarnation of Sister Mary Vandaranda?"  I heard a

transporter behind me.  "Oh, Goddess, have  you ever got it in for me..."



"The essential problem," said a voice I recognized, "is the the 'nooky'

isn't frequent enough or hot enough."  I twisted in T'Lar's grip and

stared right into Spock's black eyes.  He raised an eyebrow, and the

priestess let me go.  I stumbled against him.



"What do you MEAN it's not frequent enough?  Hot enough I can understand.

I can't write sex worth spit.  But frequent?  You're fucking half the ship."



"I do not wish to fuck half the ship.  I wish to fuck Jim."



"What, Pike wasn't good enough for you?"



"This is irrelevant."  T'Lar sounded peeved--though, of course, that

couldn't be so.  Spock and I both whirled on her.  "The Kolinahru have

discussed the matter.  You seem to feel that we are sexless--"



"I haven't WRITTEN anything about the Kol--oh.  That.  It's not like I've

made that available to anyone.  I was just--"



Spock interrupted.  "What did you write about them?"



"Look, just because you weren't having sex all over the place is no reason

to threaten me with ashv'cezh!  I'll put lots of sex in it, OK?  Eris on a

pogo stick, what more do you want?"



"That new acolyte."



"OK, you can have sex with the cute acolyte.  Now you."  I turned back to

Spock.



"Pike was nice.  But he's gone.  What do you mean, keeping me from Jim?

Journal on the way to Babel, indeed."



"Look..."



"I want him.  Now."



"OK.  As soon as I finish this article on space."  Something occurred to

me.  "Hey, did Universal Space Lines ever make it off the ground?"



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