3 May 1999







I ran through the forest, extending my senses around me.  The sanctuary

moon reminded me of Dagobah: so much life, so much power.  I could feel

the Force speaking to me in its secret language, the language that told

me there was a rotting log ahead of me, teeming with grubs.



I flipped over it, landing easily on the other side, and kept running.



Lando had slept through my leaving, his naked body wrapped in furs.  I

had stopped down in the hospital to see the treehut's owner, and found

her nearly recovered.  She was a pretty little thing, with dappled-gold

fur and huge eyes, and I found my heart lightening at the sight of her,

knowing that she, at least, lived because of me.



There was so much death here.  I could feel it, through the chatter that 

was life within the Force.  I could feel myself trying to outrun it, as

though it chased me through the forest, weapons ablaze.



I had been running for three hours when I sensed it give up the

pursuit.  Lando was awake, and looking for me.  I turned back and headed 

for the village, glad I could feel him.  The residual sensitivity of

sex, perhaps--I had felt that often enough with Han--or maybe my

Jedi-trained senses seeking him out.  It scarcely mattered.  He was

looking for me.



Despite what he'd told me last night, despite my own insights, I had

feared he would want only to part in the morning.  And though the

comfort had been most welcome, comfort was not my only aim.  It was not

the reason I had accepted the offer, not the reason I wanted him, not

the reason I held him as he slept.



I could feel the muscles in my legs tense and release as I ran.  One

advantage to being a Jedi: the Force can support you, strengthen you,

allow you to do things you couldn't do otherwise.  And yet, I hardly

knew this strength in myself, this effortless power.  Yoda used to make

me run and climb for hours on end, until I thought I would fall

apart--it was never effortless, then.



Perhaps it is only that I have grown into my power as a Jedi, become

ultimately and truly myself, for the first time in my life.



I run, and I listen to the Force around me and within me.  I search

myself and my feelings, beginning with the impact of my feet on the

ground and the sweat on my skin; ending with my stomach and my mind and

my heart.



I'm hungry, and I know myself, and I'm in love.



With Lando.



Who was looking for me.



I reached the village and climbed into the trees, looking for him.  "Han!

Hey, Han!"  He stopped and stared at me.



"What the hell happened to you, kid?"



"Where's Lando?"



"He just headed down to the Falcon, why?"



"Tell you later."



I slid down the ladder and headed for the landing platforms we'd used.

The shuttle I stole--Vader's shuttle, my father's shuttle--is resting

next to the Falcon, and she is next to the shuttle the strike team used, 

and Lando will be...



The Falcon's ramp was down, and he was inside, running a shield

diagnostic.  "Lando."



He spun around to face me.  "Luke!  Are you OK?  What the--"



"I'm fine.  I was out running."  I studied his face and saw that he was

shaken, perhaps terrified--



"You need some water," he said, and disappeared into the small galley.



When he came back, he was more composed.  "Thank you," I said, and drank 

the glass of water.



"So," he said.  "Um."



I looked at him.  "Last night.  Any problems?"



"No.  Except--I still don't know what I'm looking for."



"Ah.  Neither do I."  I cocked my head and smiled at him.  "Never

thought I could love a Corellian.  Too much trouble.  Now I'm not so

sure."



He smiled back.  "You're a hell of a lot of trouble yourself, Jedi."



It was enough; we understood.