Grace, Paradoxically
by Laura JV
I hate being in another Sentinel's territory. I tend to avoid it, and
then tend to avoid mine. I suppressed a shudder and felt my Guide's gentle
touch on my shoulder. He helped, grounding me as he always did. I still
hated being there, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. There
were things my Jimmy needed to know, and I should have told him some of
them long ago, before the situation became critical. Jack, my beloved
Guide, pressed me forward along Prospect Avenue, his large hand between
my shoulder blades. As I had every day for the past thirty-odd years,
I let myself be guided.
I could hear Jimmy in his loft, pacing and talking to himself; I could
hear
the young man he was so attached to trying to calm him. It wasn't working,
of course, because that young man--Blair Sandburg, I think it was--wasn't
his Guide. It was time Jimmy learned that, as hard as it would be for
him
to accept. I'd spent the past week in Cascade, and I'd found the woman
meant to be my Jimmy's Guide. All I had to do was get him to see the
situation for what it was.
Jack and I went up, the elevator trembling beneath our feet, Jimmy's
agitated voice getting louder and louder. "I can *feel* it, Chief. I
mean, it's the same, but it's *different*. Like it's a different kind
of
threat. You gotta help me through this. I can't lose you again, not like
last time."
"Jim, you're not going to lose me."
"Whoever this is could kill you, Chief. I think two resurrections is a
little beyond my power."
"Jim. I swear to you, you're not going to lose me."
"You can't promise that. You don't *know*."
The pain in Jimmy's voice hurt me to hear. I had to take Blair away from
him--there really wasn't any other way--and he was so attached to the
young
man. It wasn't Blair's fault he wasn't the right Guide, after all, and
I
knew he'd helped my Jimmy a lot, but it was past time for Jimmy to bond
with his real Guide.
"Jim," Blair said, his voice echoing through the wooden door, "I'm your
Guide. I couldn't leave you if I tried. Trust me."
I took a deep breath and knocked.
Jimmy yanked the door open and looked down on me with my own eyes.
"Jimmy?" I said.
He frowned, then swallowed. "Mom?"
* * *
An hour later, the four of us sat in the living room. I'd been watching
Blair, and I couldn't believe that I had to separate him from my son,
but I
did. He wasn't Jimmy's Guide--he'd actually *lost* a female Sentinel
already, because of this relationship he had with Jimmy. I was surprised
by that--surprised that his emotional attachment to my son was strong
enough to overcome the connection he should have forged with Alex almost
immediately. Blair, I could tell, genuinely cared for Jimmy. And he was
a
very nice young man.
But it was time to do what I had come here to do.
"Jimmy, did you ever wonder why I left when you were a child?"
He looked down at his hands. "All the time." He shrugged. "I figured it
was Dad."
"No, not really. But...well, there were two reasons. It was hard to be
around you--"
His head shot up, and the depth of shock and hurt in his eyes made me
flinch. "Jimmy--you and I were both Sentinels. You *know* how hard that
can be to deal with." I sensed Blair leaning forward, his breathing
growing excited. I ignored him. "The other reason was...I found my Guide.
I couldn't stay with your father once I had Jack. I loved your dad, Jimmy,
but...he wasn't my Guide."
And my son smiled and touched Blair on the knee, and said "I know how
that
feels."
I had to do it. I had to separate these two, painful as it was. "No, you
don't. He's not your Guide."
"Like hell he's not," Jimmy growled, shifting his position on the couch
so
that he was between Blair and I.
I swallowed. "He's not. I'm sorry. He's the first Guide you ran into,
but he's not *your* Guide. He can't be your Guide--he's *male*."
"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"
"Jimmy, we're meant to be mated pairs!"
He didn't respond, but Blair did. "So you're saying that the relationship
between Sentinel and Guide is sexual?"
"Yes."
"So you think I was meant to be with Alex Barnes."
"Yes! Exactly!" Maybe young Blair would see reason. If I could convince
him, he could convince my Jimmy...it would work out.
"So who is supposed to be Jim's Guide?"
"That pretty Australian girl down at the police station, I think. She
smells like a Guide, and acts like one, at any rate. I'm sure it's her."
Blair looked at Jimmy, who met his gaze with stony silence. "Megan," Blair
whispered, his voice soft. My son flinched.
I held my breath. Please, Blair, see that you need to let him go, I
thought. I'm sure there's someone else out there for you. Jimmy needs
to
have his true Guide. I remembered what it was like when Jack and I
consummated our partnership. We became so much more powerful, so much
in
tune with each other--we felt *whole* for the first time. Jimmy needed
that, to guard this city.
And then Blair said, "Jim? They'll separate us at work."
Jimmy didn't answer for a moment, and then he said, "Not if they don't
know."
Blair turned to me. "I think you'd better go."
"But--"
"But nothing. It was nice to finally meet you--you, too, Jack--and perhaps
you should come back and visit sometime. We'll be here."
"Blair, be reasonable--"
He stood. He was not a tall man, but somehow, standing there, he was
intimidating. "You're wrong about Alex," he said. "And about Megan.
There was never any question who I was meant to be with--who I was meant
to
Guide. Never."
"You can't be Jimmy's--"
"He is," Jimmy said. "He *is*. He was there from the beginning. I
wouldn't be here, now, without him."
"With a true Guide, you can be so much more!" I was upset. Beyond upset.
How could they be so stubborn! They shouldn't be--it's not like I was
trying to separate a real pairing.
"I am his true Guide," Blair said. "He's never had another, and never
will. And I think you should go now."
I stood and stared at him as Jack went to get our jackets. "Blair, please.
This is a very spiritual thing, and you and Jimmy can't just--"
"We're already one spirit," he said. "The bodies can't be that hard to
figure out."
My eyes widened. "You wouldn't. That's...that's *unnatural*."
"So I've heard," he said, and ushered me towards the door.
I blinked, and found myself in the hallway, staring at Number 307 and
leaning against my Guide. As I stood there, I heard through the door the
unmistakable soft sound of a kiss.
laura jacquez valentine -+- http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/~jacquez
Unused Steven Seagal Movie Title: RENT TO OWN
Jesus is a meme. -+- http://www.memepool.com/
