BLAIR: Spocko! Who's that?

SPOCK: New guy.

BLAIR: New guy, huh? What's his field?

SPOCK: He's a peace officer--

BLAIR: Wait, no, no. He has to be a geek. That's in the charter.

KOWALSKI: Hey. I'm a geek. Geekiest cop in Chicago, you ask anyone. Except for Fraser, maybe, but he's a Mountie.

MULDER: I've heard of you. You dropped out of college.

(KOWALSKI puts on his glasses.)

MULDER: I'm sold.

METHOS: Besides, we need a blond. The relentless brunet palette of this place was getting to me.

BLAIR: Hey, *you* wrote the charter. It's your fault.

METHOS: Don't hang this on me.

KOWALSKI: Charter, what charter? (points at MULDER) Don't you have a partner?

(They stare at him.)

KOWALSKI: What? I heard she's a geek.

METHOS: Hang on, I have a copy of the charter right here. (Stands up and digs in his jeans, much to the fascination of BLAIR) OK. Here. No redheads.

KOWALSKI: What the hell kind of rule is that? (Looks around.)

METHOS: (studying charter) You said Fraser is geekier than you?

KOWALSKI: Yeah.

(METHOS looks at SPOCK.)

SPOCK: Fraser is ineligible. (He takes the charter.) Article V. No pretty boys.

(KOWALSKI stares at him.)

KOWALSKI: That is the dumbest rule I ever heard of.

(METHOS looks at BLAIR. BLAIR snickers into his beer.)

METHOS: Proper geeks have to look weird. I mean. I look kind of like a praying mantis. Mulder's nose makes mine look tiny.

BLAIR: And I'm short. With big gums.

(They all look at KOWALSKI.)

KOWALSKI: I do not like where this is going. So, no pretty boys, and no redheads. Is there any particular reasoning behind this, or it completely whacked and arbitrary?

SPOCK: Nothing is arbitrary, I assure you. It is simply that everyone else goes bowling.

KOWALSKI: Bowling.

MULDER: Yeah. All the pretty boys. Or the ones with the really fantastic bodies. Or whatever. They all go bowling.

KOWALSKI: (looking around) I don't see Vecchio here.

MULDER: Is he a geek?

KOWALSKI: Nah, not really, but he's got a big--

(METHOS snorts beer out of his nose.)

KOWALSKI: (glaring) That is really disgusting, you know that?

BLAIR: Vecchio, Vecchi...oh. Um. Isn't he the guy who *owns* the bowling alley?

(They all look at him.)

BLAIR: Nevermind.

KOWALSKI: Screw you guys, I'm going bowling.

METHOS: No can do, blondie. You're the designated representative from your universe. Have a beer. And a shirt.

(METHOS tosses a blue sweatshirt at KOWALSKI, who holds it up.)

KOWALSKI: This is a Mountie sweatshirt. What do I need with a Mountie sweatshirt?

BLAIR: It's in the charter. One article of clothing from the designated Lust Object. Methos put it in so he could have an excuse to steal sweaters from MacLeod.

KOWALSKI: The laundry mark on this says "Turnbull".

METHOS: Fraser, Turnbull, same thing.

(They all stare at him.)

METHOS: Look, you screw enough Mounties, they all look alike. Trust me.

(They continue staring at him.)

METHOS: Nevermind.

(KOWALSKI looks at everyone else's clothes.)

KOWALSKI: So...Spock. What article of clothing you got?

METHOS: I'm out of here. (He grabs his coat and heads for the door.)

BLAIR: Uh, me too. (He follows.)

MULDER: C'mon, Ray. (He stands up and heads for the men's room. SPOCK follows.)

KOWALSKI: Am I missing something?

MULDER: You want to know what Spocko's wearing?

KOWALSKI: Well--

MULDER: Welcome to the bottom boy club.

(SPOCK looks at both of them. After a minute, KOWALSKI shrugs and walks towards the men's room.)

KOWALSKI: I'm easy. Is there a charter for this, too? Article I, ask about Spock's clothes. Article II, visit the men's room...