What follows is a post I made to Prospect-L on 30 November 2000. It has, oddly, become part of the list culture. I'm not entirely clear on why.

At any rate, here it is: my line by line analysis of Alyjude's "Restrained Sex".

Right. So, not so long ago, I said that Aly's work *was* sometimes discordant and clumsy, contrary to her claims. Someone asked me to back that up.

So, today I went to 852 Prospect and found Aly's newest, which I had never read, since I stopped reading her fiction a while ago. Herein is my analysis of the story. I welcome comments. I've trimmed out spaces in dialogue-only sections for space.

I'm CC'ing Aly on this because she's no longer subbed, and I don't think it's quite fair to comment about this behind her back.

When reading this story for the first time, I simply read it, but I had a lot of trouble getting into it. The writing style and the use of language made that very difficult for me. I read it three times before writing this post, but a lot of what's written here is what went through my head on that first read, before I started any deconstruction work.

> Restrained Sex
> by alyjude
> Author's webpage: http://www.skeeter63.org/k9kennel
> *snip of various things*
> Note on Safe Sex: This story depicts the characters engaging in sexual
> acts without employing condoms and other protective measures needed for
> safe and healthy sexual intercourse. This is fantasy -- in real life,
> safe sex is always important.

This has nothing to do with the writing, although frankly, this kind of thing sends up red flags for me. Given that the story is a bondage story, this is fairly disturbing; nobody responsible would do what Jim and Blair do in this story without a safeword. It's not about trust, it's about people getting cramps or having weird triggers that they and their partners might not know about, or people needing to pee, for God's sake.

> Thanks to Christi and WoD for the beta!
>
> Author's Notes: for a friend in need
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Restrained Sex
> by alyjude
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Are you watching my ass?"
> "No."
> "Yes, you are. Have you noticed you seem to be inordinately fond of my
> ass?
> "Inordinately? No, I don't think inordinately."
> "Yes, most definitely."
> "Well, don't you like my ass?"
> "Yes, but I like all your other body parts too."
> "Well, thank you. Still, damn fine ass you have Sandburg."

The above section isn't too bad, aside from missing commas, and the fact that the voices seem to be mixed. That is, sometimes I think it's Blair talking when it's actually Jim, and vice versa; the individuality of the characters doesn't come through enough, for me.

I think it's also, partially, that the flow of the conversation seems off to me; without any indications of emphasis, I would expect Blair to be saying "Well, don't you like my ass?", not Jim. Since Jim is the one who says it, the stresses on the words should be different from ordinary speech, because he's turning it around: "Well, don't *you* like *my* ass?"

> Twenty minutes later:
> "Chief, you're asleep."
> "No, I'm not. I'm watching West Wing."
> "Blair, you're sleeping."
> "No, I'm watching with my eyes closed."
> "Interesting picture, I'm sure."
> "Rob Lowe looks damn fine. Now there is one great ass."
> "Not as good as yours."
>
> A finger starts rubbing Sandburg's ass.

Disembodied body parts. The Zombie Finger.

Whose finger is it? Does it belong to Blair, or Jim, or Rob Lowe? Also, if Blair's sitting on his ass, how does the finger get on it, and isn't it uncomfortable under there?

> "Chief? Are you aware that you have a rather strategically placed hole in
> your sweatpants?"

I initially assumed that the hole was near Blair's penis, but on my third read-through, it occurred to me it might be over his anus, or over an asscheek. I still don't know for certain, though.

> "Well, I know I have a hole and considering how it got there, I'm sure
> it's quite strategic."
> "Oh? And how did it get there?"
> "You."
> "Me?"
> "Yes, you. You chewed your way through it two weeks ago."

Through sweatpants? I don't know if anyone has ever tried this, but speaking as someone who used to chew on clothing an awful lot, that's really, really hard. Unless Jim has exceptionally sharp teeth, or there was already a hole there (not out of the realm of possibility, but counter to the text).

> "I'd think I'd remember something like that."
> "You're a sentinel. Don't you recognize your own teeth marks?"
> "Now I know I've left teeth marks on your ass, but your sweatpants? In
> fact," -- a finger enters the hole and strokes the soft, satiny skin --

Zombie Finger! By this point, I'm hoping the finger belongs to Rob Lowe, because if this story is a surrealist piece, I might be able to get into it. However, I suspect it belongs to Jim.

> "in fact, I believe I left a rather nice set just a couple of nights
> ago."
> "mmm, yes, I remember. Quite -- distinctive."
> "Uh, huh." The finger moves deeper through the hole, stretching it.

Zombie Finger!

> "Jim? You're making the hole bigger. Why are you making the hole bigger?"
> "I'm not, and hang on a minute."
> "Hang on? It's the assassination episode of West Wing, you're making an
> existing hole in my sweats bigger and now you want... uh, Jim? What are
> you..."
>
> Jim flipped his lovebug onto his stomach on the bed and before Blair
> Sandburg could say rimming, he had him handcuffed to the rail.

"Lovebug?"

Epithetism in TS fanfiction is quite out of hand--the young man, the ex-Ranger, the police observer, the anthropologist, etc. etc., but this is a brand new one on me. Quite seriously, I could not believe that I had actually read that word. I couldn't decide if it was meant to be funny, or if the story had made a stop by the dope dealer's on its way to the archive. I hope it was meant to be funny, but although the general tone of this story is light and playful up to this point, it hasn't been characterized by humor. Further, there has been so little narrative to this point that I have no sense for how Aly *wanted* the narrative to read; I don't have any context which lets me say "Yes, this was definitely intended as humor" or "No, this story definitely took some of the bad acid."

> "I'm -- handcuffed. You handcuffed me!"

Thank you, Mr. Exposition.

> "You should be a detective, Sandburg. And remember turn about is fair > play? Who was handcuffed last time?"
>
> Blair rattled the rail and whined, "Jiiim! Come on man, this isn't the
> same thing. It was a trust issue, remember? And it was your idea!"

Also, I'm guessing that it's part of SVS that Jim and Blair now have a television in their bedroom, because they certainly didn't in the series.

I won't even get into Blair whining; suffice to say that I've been known to stop reading a story at the phrase "Blair whined".

> "uh, Jim? You're chewing that hole again, making it bigger again... uh,
> oh, that's why? oh, god, um, is that, are you... HOLY SHIT! bigger, for
> your mouth? I've never, no one has ever, dear god..."

I can't tell from the structure of this if Blair has some kind of neural connection to his sweatpants or not, but it sure seems to me like he's getting off on having his pants chewed.

And again with the chewing holes in clothing thing: hard. Very hard. It's significantly easier to bite through flesh.

Furthermore, why isn't that in narrative? I have absolutely no idea what was behind the authorial choice to make that into dialogue; Blair isn't telling this story, so why is he telling this story? I don't get any visual sense from that bit at all, and yet it's the kind of scene I would expect to be intensely visual. Instead, Blair has become a mouthpiece for the narrative, blunting his own verbal reaction.

> The wonderful sensation left and he moaned until hands lifted him

What sensation? I assume, from the position, that the hole was indeed over some part of Blair's ass, and that Jim was biting/licking/rimming him through it. If I look back, in the "lovebug" bit, "rimming" is used the same way "Jack Robinson" often is; I suspect that was meant to be a clue, and I lost it while I was confused over "lovebug".

> slightly and pulled a pillow out from under him to slip it under his
> stomach.

If it was already under him, why does it need to go under him again?

> God, then that tugging again - on his sweatpants, and he could feel the
> wetness of Jim's mouth and Blair's fingers gripped the rail hard.

There appear to be three people in that paragraph: "he", "Jim", and "Blair". "He" and "Blair" are probably meant to be the same person, but the sentence does not read that way.

> Jim lifted his head a moment, just to see Blair and he looked -- good,
> but the picture wasn't quite right. Trust was a two way street, right?
>
> Blair felt another tug, this time on his undershirt and he heard the
> material ripping before he felt the air hit his bare back.

Again. Very, very difficult to do, unless the undershirt is old and decrepit. Cotton is extremely tough, and if you really want me to drag out research on fiber reinforcement, I will.

> "Jim? Uh, Jim? What? I mean, this could be hot, but could you say
> something? Oh... um... you... MY PANTS!"

What's going on? I'm lost.

> A moment later, Blair was completely naked with only the tattered remnant
> of his shirt hanging from his shackled wrists.
>
> The bed creaked and dipped as Jim knelt beside Blair. Bending over, his
> hands on either side of Blair's body, Jim brought his mouth to the
> younger man's ear.

Epithet again, although not as annoying this time.

> "It's all about trust, isn't it? I trust you with everything, Blair. My
> life, my soul, my heart and my world. But I have to earn your trust. Will
> you let me do this?"

Ooooookay. Here, we encounter some serious psychological strangeness on Jim's part. I don't know why he's doing this, or why he thinks it will engender trust. I suspect my confusion here is partly because I don't read the SVS, but it's probably also because I think this particular characterization of Jim, in general, is uncanonical and...well...fairly dumb. That's particular to me, however; I suspect plenty of folks "got" this just fine.

> Blair's eyes blinked, then blinked again. The puils contracted and Jim

Please to be spellchecking your fiction.

> could see all Blair's thoughts mirrored up at him. The blue shifted,

Really? "My ass itches" and "Did I leave the gas on?" included? Contrary to popular belief, eyes are not windows to the intimate dance of neurons we call thought; they're not half-bad at emotional state, but that's about it.

Also, given that Jim is apparently leaning over Blair, who is face-down on the bed, the only way I can think of for Jim to be seeing both of Blair's eyes is for Blair to have spun his head around 180 degrees. That's a hell of a crick to have in your neck.

> darkened and the depths revealed shades of blue that an artist could only
> hint at. Slowly, Blair nodded.
>
> "Say it Blair. Say you'll let me do this."
>
> Sandburg gulped and Jim watched his neck, followed the muscles as Blair
> swallowed and he waited, his breath held in suspense.
>
> "do it."
>
> Jim gave a satisfied sigh. He stroked down the bare back and whispered,
> "never hurt you, never again, blair. love you."

Can I buy a capital, please? No, make it four capitals.

> The responsive body below him shook and the murky blue depths were lost
> to him as Blair's eyes closed.

"Murky" is not only an ominous word, but if Jim really *could* see all Blair's thoughts mirrored up at him in Blair's eyes, and Blair's eyes were murky, that's *not* a good sign.

Although, if Blair's eyes were murky, Jim shouldn't have been able to see thoughts in them (leaving aside my caveats about eyes and thoughts above).

> Jim settled back to enjoy. Enjoy giving. He had unlimited access to the
> body that was the man and thus to the man that was represented by the
> body.

I believe that is supposed to be profound, but I can't figure out what it's supposed to mean. "Unlimited access" seems to imply taking, but Jim wants to give. And if the body is the man, how is the man only represented by the body? That is, "the body that was the man" sets up an identity relation, while "the man that was represented by the body" denies an identity relation.

> He took his fill of Blair Sandburg, noted the trembling muscles and

He's taking again. And taking what? What does "his fill" mean? I think he's looking his fill, because otherwise I cannot make heads or tails of what is going on.

> clenching fingers, but still -- something was missing. Giving that pale
> body one more lusty glance, he climbed from the bed and went to the

The use of "that pale body" here makes me think of necrophilia. Blair's been reduced to something not even human, and given his skin tone, "pale" is a bit creepy.

> closet. He took two silk ties, started to return to the bed, then decided > on a third, and finally a fourth and a fifth.
>
> He set the ties on the bed next to Blair's stocky legs, stripped himself
> down to nothing and was about to lift one leg

Like a dog? Or is he lifting Blair's leg?

> when Blair twisted his body
> trying to see what Jim was doing. His curiousity was plain, lips begging
> to ask, but he didn't.

The last sentence in that paragraph is the most awkward I think I've come across yet in this story. I don't understand how lips can beg to ask, and I think there's an odd shift of subject in there somewhere. I tried to diagram the sentence to see if there was a shift, but I failed.

> Jim abandoned the leg momentarily and crawled up to Blair. Throwing a leg

Now we have a Zombie Leg. Does it also belong to Rob Lowe? It certainly doesn't belong to Blair, since Jim has to abandon it to reach Blair.

> over the body, he straddlled Sandburg, lifted the beautiful head with one

..and now there's a dead body in bed with them. And a Zombie Head. But not a spellchecker.

> hand, fingers buried in curls and with the other hand, he picked up a tie
> and held it in front of Blair's eyes, then gently and mindful of Blair's
> hair, Jim gagged him.

Wait. It's been split up by my comments, so let's look at this entire sentence as one unit:

"Throwing a leg over the body, he straddlled Sandburg, lifted the beautiful head with one hand, fingers buried in curls and with the other hand, he picked up a tie and held it in front of Blair's eyes, then gently and mindful of Blair's hair, Jim gagged him."

It's run-on, first off; there's a truly bizarre subject shift ("he", the guy straddling Sandburg, is evidently not "Jim", not according to the structure of the sentence); and I think Jim just gagged Blair's eyes.

And, re-reading it all together like that, there really is a dead body, a head, and another man in that bed with Jim and Blair. This story has passed beyond unsafe bondage play and into the realm of seriously sick kink.

> As fingers finalized the knot, Jim felt the sudden heat as it rose from
> Sandburg's body and glancing down, he caught the surprise in the dark
> eyes and the - lust.

There are more Zombie Fingers getting into the act now, and Blair's head has rotated again. Perhaps this is secretly a rewrite of "The Exorcist".

I'd also like to know the significance of the break before "lust". Is it a surprise to Jim that Blair lusts after him? Did he expect Blair not to be lusting at this point?

> Blair's breath began to come in hot, heated pants and small sounds issued

"hot, heated pants" is a trifle redundant.

> from behind the gag, but Jim just smiled. As he picked up another tie, he
> dropped a kiss on the sweaty temple.

Maybe it's the temple of the sentinels in Sierra Verde, though how it got sweaty I don't know. If it's meant to be Blair's temple, why isn't it attached to him?

> Jim slid a hand under the writhing body and began to work one nipple. The
> body stiffened and the sounds pleasure increased tenfold.

"the sounds pleasure increased tenfold".

I suggest a grammar checker as well as a spellchecker, or perhaps more thorough beta-readers. That was probably intended to be "the sounds OF pleasure increased tenfold", just as it was probably intended to be Blair making the sounds.

And the dead body is succumbing to rigor mortis. It's lovely to see this kind of continuity in a story.

> Leaving the hard nub for the moment, Jim moved down the bed and noted
> with satisfaction that the body was now trembling, sweat coating the
> naked back. He watched the glistening drops move down Blair's spine to
> pool in the sweet indentation at the bottom of his lower back. God how he
> wanted to taste that...

How did the dead body get sweat all over it?

> Blair gave a small jerk, one leg reflexively kicking up.

What caused the reflex? It's unusual that someone would kick up towards their own ass reflexively, but I suppose it's possible; I don't know enough reflexology to judge. What did Jim do to cause that reaction.

> O-kay, taste sweat, yes, but first - Blair's legs.
>
> Jim lifted the other two ties, grasped one ankle, took a moment to admire
> the view, then lifted. The body stilled as the head tilted.

The view of the ankle? The view of what? And how many hands does Jim have? And he'd better be careful, or the dead body and the Zombie Head are going to roll off the bed.

> With a gentleness that belied his eagerness, Jim tied one end of the silk
> tie to the ankle and enjoyed the tremors that ran up and down the leg. He
> took another tie and with a quick knot, joined the two.

I hope these are Blair's ankle and leg, and not more Zombie Body Parts.

And how many ties does Jim have in his hand? He had two, but then he tied "the" tie to the ankle, and then got a third(?) tie to tie to that.

> The restraint was now long enough to successfully reach the leg of the
> bed. Jim did just that.

Did he tie it there, or just let it touch the leg of the bed?

> The muffled, "ohshit" brought a smile to his face. He quickly retrieved
> the other two ties and repeated the process.

Wait, he'd already "lifted the other two ties". Looking back, and reading back further in the story, I think Jim had six ties, one which he used to gag Blair's eyes, the "other two ties" that he "lifted", one of which he used on a leg and the other of which vanished, another tie that he used on that same leg, and the "other two ties" that he retrieved and used on the other leg. But he only got five out of the closet initially; where did the extra tie come from?

> Stepping back, he realized that it wasn't - quite right. He'd need
> Sandburg's cuffs. Swatting the beautiful, sweaty ass, he ran downstairs,

I assume this is some SVS thing, because I don't recall that canon Blair has cuffs, and he's evidently not a detective in this story.

> grabbed up his partner's cuffs, then back. He undid Blair's wrists,
> spread out the arms, not easy since Blair was trying to talk with his
> hands, and cuffed him again.

The "not easy since Blair was trying to talk with his hands" is kind of odd when set off by commas. It should probably be in parentheses or set off by em-dashes; it's an aside.

> Now Blair was truly spread-eagled and at Jim's mercy. And that
> ass...round, pale, smooth, clenched in anticpation and it was all fucking
> his.

No, look, I wasn't kidding about the spellchecker.

> Blair's head was lifted slightly and cocked to one side as he tried to
> hear Jim, tried to figure his next move.

Why is this written in passive voice? Is there a reason why Blair can't lift his own head, it has to be lifted for him? Is he really that badly off?

> Jim grinned - because he didn't exist anymore.

Oooooookay. Sure. Things that don't exist grin alllllll the time.

> Trust can free a man, and absolute trust - frees absolutely.
>
> The only thing in the bedroom with Blair Sandburg was a jaguar. A very
> hot, horny and hungry jaguar.

So, when Blair trusts Jim, Jim shapeshifts? What a great party trick.

> He crawled languidly onto the bed to lie beside his victim. One finger

Jaguars have fingers? Oh--it's a Zombie Finger.

> reached out and flipped a bit of hair from Blair's face, then he leaned
> in and kissed the pug nose. Then the square chin. A hand drifted up one

Blair does NOT have a pug nose. Pug noses are much smaller and more squashed-looking than Blair's.

The Zombie Hand of Rob Lowe strikes again...

> bound arm, exalted in the tremors he felt course through the stretched
> limb, and as he kissed the inside of Blair's upper arm more sounds came
> out from behind the gag.
>
> Jim had been clever enough to place the gag between Blair's lips, so now

Usually, one gags people by placing the gag between their lips. It doesn't work nearly as well otherwise, unless you're using duct tape or something else that restricts the opening of the mouth. And I suppose he didn't gag Blair's eyes after all.

> he nibbled on the soft, plump tissue gripping the silk. As his teeth

Now there's Zombie Tissue. At first I thought it was tissue as in Kleenex, but then I realized it was probably Blair's mouth.

> pulled at the lip, nipping and licking, as his tongue wormed its way
> around the gag to tease, as Blair's breath was almost stifled by the

If Jim can get his tongue in, why can't Blair get his tongue out?

> invasion of Jim's tongue, Jim's right hand undid the tie that blindfolded
> his love. He wanted Blair to watch him now. He wanted to see those pools

OK, so he *did* gag Blair's eyes. Then where did the tie in Blair's mouth come from? Are there actually seven ties in this story, or did I miss something?

> of now midnight blue change to coal black, he wanted to see them shut in
> passion, wanted to see the tears of frustration, of ecstasy.

"of now midnight blue"? What shade is that?

> Blair blinked rapidly and shook his head, trying to clear it of the
> picture of the man whose face was so close to his. This was Jim -- but
> not.
>
> This was a primal Jim, the eyes black with desire, with possession.
> Blair's breath caught in his throat at the expression on Jim's face and
> he felt the heat start to build. No one had ever wanted him this much,

I thought Blair was already sweating. I hope he doesn't overheat.

> had ever done...
>
> ...Jim kissed his eyelid. Blair thought he'd pass out.
>
> Both men were incredibly hard, but for Jim, it hardly mattered. He could
> wait, could hold. Because this whole body was his, to do with as he
> pleased. As much as he pleased. And the body was willing and trusting and
> loved him more than anything or anyone else in the world. He kissed

Bodies are kind of stupid that way. I wonder what Blair thinks of all this.

> fingers, sucked them into his mouth, let his teeth graze across the skin,

Zombie Fingers! And Zombie Skin!

> then suckled on the tender tissue at the wrist, then down to the armpit,

And a Zombie Wrist! And a Zombie Armpit!

Maybe they're part of the dead body.

> where he nuzzled for a few seconds, reveling in the sweet scent of
> arousal, of excitement, of the barest amount of fear, fear of the unknown
> rather than fear of the man.
>
> He spent time with Blair's neck, biting soft, then hard, sucking deeply,
> tasting every bit of the man. Tasting all that he was through his skin.
> He buried his face behind Blair's ear, nosing the hair away, then moving
> to the back. He lifted the hair to reveal the naked nape and his eyes
> shone.

More Zombie Body Parts, though not nearly as badly.

> Blair felt the tongue rasp across the back of his neck, felt the sounds
> of Jim's satisfaction against his skin. His cock, already rock hard and

That's kind of an odd way of phrasing things, because usually if I read "felt the sounds of Jim's satisfaction against his skin" I'd think Blair was having a kinesthetic experience during Jim's orgasm, but that doesn't seem to be happening here.

> aching, jumped. He moaned into the gag, moaned deep. His fingers fisted,
> then wrapped themselves around the links of the cuffs as he buried his
> face in the pillow, his moans continuous now.
>
> He was going to come, he knew it. And Jim hadn't even left the top half
> of his body...
>
> Sensing his captive's impending needs, Jim fumbled with the nightstand

Again with the epithets, although this one's in context and isn't nearly as bad. It does make me wonder about Jim's state of mind, and it really makes me worry about the safety of what they're doing; I think Jim's in *very* bad headspace for someone who is doing what he's doing.

> drawer and pulled out the leather cockring Blair had given him on the
> anniversary of their first month together. He slipped his hand under the
> rigid body, grabbed Blair's balls and gave a stiff tug. The body jerked

Blair's under the dead body?

> up and Blair's cock lost some of its hardness. Jim slipped the ring on
> and heard the wrenched scream of "no!" from the gag.

See, this is what I mean about a safeword. Without a safeword, how does Jim know that Blair's OK, that he's not really hurt or really objecting? And, without a safeword, "no" is the difference between sex and rape.

> He let his fingers caress the very balls he'd just pulled and the body
> trembled, Blair's eyes rolling back in his head.
>
> There was nothing Blair could do now, he was a prisoner in every way,
> even his cock at Jim's mercy. He sighed in ecstasy.

Here, there are two sentences joined into one with a comma; they want a semicolon. Also, who is sighing in ecstasy? It's unclear.

> Jim swung one leg over the body so that he was now spread out over Blair.

Again with the leg over the body thing.

> He stretched out his arms over Blair's, his fingers gripping the wrists.
> He let his rock hard cock tease that delicious ass, letting his hips dip
> his cock up and down and was pleased to see the body below trying to
> thrust up, to somehow bury Jim's cock in his ass. But no, not quite yet.
>
> He slid down until his mouth was poised over the delicious dip of Blair's
> spine. He lapped up the sweat he'd coveted earlier, then let his tongue
> lick up over the swelling buttocks, down the right cheek, then the left,
> then finally into the crease.

Why are Blair's buttocks swelling? Are they Nike Pump Buttocks?

> The body was bucking hard now, the restrained legs jerking against the
> bindings. He dug in.

This is the most convulsive dead body I've ever met--and who is digging in to what? Is it Jim? Is he grabbing Blair, or the dead body, or the bed, or is he biting something ("dug in" in the sense of "ate")?

> And was nearly bucked from the body and the bed, but he held on, dipped
> his tongue in, opened his sense of hearing, smiled against the soft,
> silky skin as the moans escalated. His hand moved under Blair, came to
> rest on the hard, straining cock, fingers round the ring... as his tongue
> dipped in further, in -- out -- in -- out...
>
> The body writhed now, straining, the sweat coming in rivulets down the
> stretched ass. The head was shaking from side to side, moans endless. One

It's really, really hard to shake your head from side to side effectively when you're on your stomach. Of course, since this Blair can evidently spin his head 180 degrees, perhaps it's easier on him.

Of course, it's a Zombie Head; it might belong to Rob Lowe.

> final thrust, timed with the removal of the cock ring and Blair came,
> humping up, the orgasm eternal.

Well, that's going to make ever leaving the bed again difficult.

> Jim barely allowed Blair to rest before impaling himself deep inside the
> completely open and boneless body. He brought the hips up enough and
> began to stroke in and out, over and over again, no longer in a bedroom,
> but a steaming jungle, claiming that which was his, while being claimed
> in return. The body welcomed him, enclosed around him, spasming around
> his cock.

I'm seriously creeped out by the thought of a delusional man practicing bondage, even with a safeword; explaining how concerned, confused, and upset I am by a delusional man practicing bondage without a safeword is well-nigh impossible.

Of course, he's having sex with a deboned, rigor-mortised corpse on top of his lover, so I'd say his problems are severe enough to warrant him never being allowed to have sex again.

> He lowered the upper part of his body and as his own orgasm built, he
> found that soft, sweet juncture between neck and shoulder and as his
> orgasm ripped from him, he bit down. The muffled scream fed him, the
> upward thrust of the body and the final clenching around his cock
> completing him.

The first sentence is a run-on; the second is simply confusing.

> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Shaking hands undid the ankles, kissing as he freed them, then the wrists
> and finally -- the gag.

Zombie Hands, Wrists, and Ankles, and something's being kissed, but I don't know what.

> He dropped onto his back, bringing the body with him, settling Blair on
> top of him. He buried his fingers in the damp hair, inhaled the fragrance

See, that first sentence: Blair and the body are quite clearly different entities. If they're not meant to be, that's clumsy as hell; if they are meant to be (as it has seemed in many places in this story), there is some seriously weird kink here.

> of their sex and whispered, "thank you."
>
> The head shifted, tried to lift, but failed. With a sigh, Blair dropped
> his head back down on the chest and rasped out, "my pleasure. and i think
> you still have this thing for my ass."
>
> "oh yeah."

I'd like to buy a few more capitals, please. Four more should do it.

>
> The wolf and the jaguar slept.

Where did the wolf come from? The Sentinel mythology came in with the jaguar, which was apparently metaphorical, but this last bit, I don't understand. Does it mean that Jim and Blair went to sleep? Or does it mean that the primal parts of themselves have left and are metaphorically sleeping? Or does it mean something else?

> finis

--laura

---

all material on these pages copyright laura j. valentine, except where otherwise noted. email: jacquez+@dementia.org