[11:23] * jacquez tells FZU a story

Once upon a time, there was a man named Benny. (Or so his friend Ray called him, and one did not cross Ray if one could help it.)

Now, Benny was Canadian, and a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, but he lived in Chicago. (Ray lived there, too.) Chicago was a huge city, full of people and pizza and doughnuts. (Which Ray and Benny's wolf appreciated, but Benny did not.)

Unfortunately, Chicago *also* had (a) criminals and (b) Ray's sister. Both the criminals and Ray's sister seemed to have an enormous attraction for Benny, which caused him no end of trouble. Benny wished Ray had an enormous attraction for him. (Benny's wolf thought Ray did, but Benny thought the wolf had had too many doughnuts.)

One day, Benny had to dress up like a woman to thwart some of the criminals he was forever running into. Ray thought that this was funny, and teased him. Benny's wolf also teased him, and Benny threatened the wolf with hours of exercise. The wolf pointed out that Benny hadn't threatened Ray with hours of exercise, and that this was most unfair.

Benny bit his lip (still with traces of lipstick clinging to it) and thought about that. While he was thinking, Ray looked over at him. "Benny!" said Ray. "You've still got lipstick on."

"Well, yes," said Benny. "It is rather difficult to remove fully."

"Huh," said Ray. "My ex-wife's lipstick always came off when I kissed her. And Frannie (Frannie was his sister, dear Reader) is always bitching about her stuff rubbing off on her boyfriends."

"Oh," said Benny.

His wolf made a comment about how Ray was obviously asking to be kissed. "You've had too much anchovy pizza," said Benny to the wolf.

"I haven't had *any* anchovy pizza," said Ray, who thought Benny was talking to him. "My breath is as sweet as a Tic-Tac. Diefenbaker (for that, dear Reader, was the name of the wolf) ate all the pizza."

The wolf made further comments about come-ons at this point, which Benny ignored. Instead, he looked at Ray.

Ray smirked at him.

Benny wondered what Ray would look like with lipstick smudged on his mouth from kissing, and whether Ray liked the taste of makeup. And then Ray leaned forward and kissed him. And Benny was so startled that he didn't move, and Ray moved closer and kissed him harder, touching his tongue to Benny's lips.

And when he backed off, his lips were smudged with lipstick, and Benny reached out and touched the smudges with his fingers. "As sweet as a Tic-Tac, Ray?" he said, and the wolf started laughing.

"You bet your ass, Benny," said Ray.

And this time Benny leaned forward and kissed him instead.

[11:37] <jacquez> The End.