unused steven seagal movie titles

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For a long time, Steven Seagal movies all had one thing in common...

No, I mean besides the fact that they were bad. That's assumed--we are talking Seagal here. I mean the titles. You know the ones. Steven Seagal is: HARD TO KILL. MARKED FOR DEATH. OUT FOR JUSTICE. Those titles.

In recent years, Seagal has been given a break on the strange three-word titles, probably because his kids got teased at school or something. When you look at the list of Seagal titles, though, it occurs to you: they sort of used up any titles that weren't really, really silly. Which makes you wonder what's left, should Seagal return to three-word titles.

Which leads me to why I've called you here tonight: the List of Unused Steven Seagal Movie Titles. I'll start off with a famous one, from In & Out: SNOWBALL IN HELL.

ALL YOUR STEVEN SEAGAL ARE BELONG TO US! --shelby

last updated: 19 March 01

Steven Seagal is...
Baking Some Muffins Fasting During Lent Beating Dead Horses Enlarging Your Sphincter Oh So Quiet Buying in Bulk Smoking My Weed Driving Miss Daisy Baking Some Brownies Constipated and Angry Worn Out Underpants Hooked on Crack Not Swimming Today Pissing Me Off "Petting" Your "Dog" Cooking "Jerk" Chicken Sleepless in Seattle Up My Ass Grabbing His Ankles Rent To Own Served Under Glass Looking for Love Out To Lunch Going To Come Born To Punch Hard To Reach Running For Cover Heading For Home Eating His Wheaties Secretly A Woman Covered in Crisco Screwing Us Over The Dimmer Man Hot To Trot	Kissing Your Dad Under the Influence Typecasting to Void* Pissing On Me Off the Wagon Fondling Your Sister Twiddling His Thumbs Has No Title Finally Coming Out Dilated and Ready Wearing a Dress Keeping You Amused D.U.I. Up Shit Crick Waiting For Godot One Durable In-Joke Late For Dinner Food For Thought Hot For Men Driving To Work Out For Coffee Taking Your Order Hot and Bothered Covered in Grease Sweet and Meaty Ready for Love Hot For Teacher On Your Face Working for Cisco Not So Fresh Under the Weather Wearing Buttless Chaps Replacing Craig Kilborn	In a Non-Action-Word Movie Lubricated and Willing Late For Work Swimming in Filth Out of Bandwidth Dressed to Kill Watching Little Boys Grumpy Old Man Overworked and Underpaid On the Town Instantiating an Object Copping a Feel Hot and Bothered Aflame With Desire Spreading His Cheeks Ready And Willing In the Air With A Goat Leading Van Halen Rich In Fiber Lifting His Kilt Shining the Dolphin Phoning the Czar Clowning with Buffo With Your Mom Playing Mario Kart Drowning In Vodka Eating For Two Devoured By Monkeys Living In Sin
Not in pattern, but who cares?
Three Word Title Command Not Found Men At Work Has No Pants Time To Snore Not To Worry	Pause To Reflect Money To Burn Men For Makeup Forgot To Go Pants On Fire Pay Per View	Got To Pee Car For Sale Make Money Fast Eggs Over Easy Hop On Pop Work To Rule
Two-word titles (in-pattern and out)
On Parole Universal Remote Going Bald	Uncontrollably Violent Unspeakably Foul The Archive	Strongly Typecast Momentarily Flaccid