M

as for tongue kissing shawn... umm, I'm not that easy... he has to buy me dinner first... or at least get me drunk or something -- Mav

At least with female pregnancy stories, you never have women asking, 'Do you think I'm getting kinda butch?' Of course, why would they? After all, there are few thing more feminine than lying on a table with your feet in different timezones, a guy/woman squatting down looking at your crotch while you screech, 'Get it the fuck out of me!!' and grunt and sweat and threaten to emasculate all men. --Olivia Monteith, about male pregnancy fiction

He makes these outrageous leaps of logic without so much as a clue parachute. --Olivia Monteith, about Johnny Bravo

'Sides, if Blair has a lube cube in his rectum he has worse problems than making poor Jimmy's dick cold. --Abigail Morell

Really, I was thinking his senses must have been hugely fucked up if he didn't know if he was coming or not. He should have at least been able to smell it, or see what he was doing, let alone feel it. Enhanced senses don't do you much good if they are always off line, even when you're fucking. --Olivia Monteith

I'm the key figure in an on-going government charade, the plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It's a global conspiracy, actually, with key players in the highest levels of power, that reaches down into the lives of every man, woman, and child on this planet. So, of course, no one believes me. I'm an annoyance to my superiors, a joke to my peers. They call me Spooky. Spooky Mulder, whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and who now chases after little green men with a badge and a gun, shouting to the heavens or to anyone who will listen that the fix is in, that the sky is falling and when it hits it's gonna be the shit-storm of all time. --Fox Mulder, "Fight the Future"

I gained this wonderful oneness with rhetoric when I died in the class and had an epiphany while I was under.... being dead for a couple of minutes really changes your view of things... --Mav, when discussing my Rhetoric of Science project

Untamed is kinda like stupidity, but with intent. --Mav, after taking the Cuervo "untamed" test

I used to do that. Downloading trucks. --Mav, watching men unload a truck

Men named Maverick do not drive Volvos. --Mav

Michael: Which is better, sex or staring at static on a TV screen until your eyes burn out?

Jeff: I prefer sex until your eyes burn out.

--Michael Straight and Jeff X. Mink on alt.discordia

Christians are generally creepy people as a direct result of the dysfunctional dynamic of worshipping a dead naked hippie. -- Jim Marcus

I know who Scylla and Charybdis are, but I don't get why they're wearing fishnets and leather. --Mav, about a draft of a story I wrote

[The Stones] are Aristotle to the Beatles' Plato. --Jon Marko

I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments. --Jim Morrison

None of you understand. I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me. -- Alan Moore, The Watchmen

Why, this is so simple a four-year-old could understand it! Quick, get me a four-year-old, I can't make head or tail of it. -- Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. --Groucho Marx

To succeed, you must be able to concentrate, and to know what to concentrate on. --Denise McCluggage, race car driver

The credit and reputation of virtue is a help, but the practice of it is an impediment. --Machiavelli

...And God spoke unto Moses: "Thou shall not covet thy Neighbor's ox, nor his ass, nor his Wife; For thy Neighbor hath a Daughter, young and voluptuous and firm-breasted, While his animals give off foul smells and his Wife be an old nag. Thou are Wiser to covet his Daughter and lay with her in Sin." (6:6:6) --Greg Margulies

The idea is to die young as late as possible. --Ashley Montagu

Play religion ball w/ Miramax and they'll shove the bat up your ass. --Doug Mosurak, about religious and anti-religious films

The one-l Holy,
She's a priest.
The two-l Holly,
She's a beast.
And I will bet
My brand-new brolly
There isn't any three-l Holly.
--Moriva, in response to the misspelling of Holly Kim's name as "Hollly".

I wasn't evil once - before you perverted dog-sexer-uppers, lizard-voyeurs and doom-ladened tongues twisted my mind. --Moriva, about fuh-q.

N

O

[T]he reason I'm going to miss Bill Clinton is that watching him these past eight years has given me the same unbridled, childlike joy as watching a cartoon. Clinton was our first cartoon president. He ran off cliffs, was crushed by anvils and flattened by turn-of-the-century trains. Yet moments later, we always saw him, just like Wile E. Coyote or Daffy Duck, completely reassembled and eagerly pursuing his next crazy scheme. Essentially, people love cartoon characters because they cannot be hurt. They defy the rules of Greek tragedy. Clinton, unlike Richard Nixon or Lyndon Johnson, was not undone by his flaws. Whenever the smoke cleared, Clinton remained standing, covered in soot and looking at us slightly chagrined. ... [T]he irony of Bill Clinton is that he may have felt our pain, but we didn't feel his. We just listened joyously for which funny sound he'd make as he bounced happily off the canyon floor. --Conan O'Brien, from ''What I'll Miss About Bill Clinton,'' in the 08 Jan 2001 "Time" magazine.

P

I had a deprived childhood, you see. I had lots of other kids to play with and my parents bought me outdoor toys and refused to ill-treat me, so it never occurred to me to seek solitary consolation with a good book. --Terry Pratchett

Some of our most promiscuous and perverted people are church people. --Pastor Tutai Pere, head of the Cook Islands' Apostolic Church

Three months ago is about half a century in USENET time. --Madeleine Page

This is a troll, not a cascade. Pay the fuck attention. --Precious the Cow magazine

All of a sudden, almost overnight, people were growing their hair long, taking lots of drugs, and trying their darnedest to all screw each other freely. --Iggy Pop

"Bother," said Pooh as Alderaan exploded. --Peter Poole

Actually, in the computer world, you can reboot the bank and get the money back. --Rich Pattis

With the first link, a chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably. --Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, "The Drumhead"

Life is like a grapefruit...it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast. --Ford Prefect

Information Age? Wait a minute, I wasn't done with the Space Age yet! I want a recount!! --Player of Games

Q

Also, it's not like you have to go and buy a fist, is it? You've got one on the end of your arm. --Jamie Oliver

It's hard to work in a group when you're omnipotent. (Deja Q)

Micro Brain! Give me a growl--so I know you still care.(Q Who, to Worf)

Oh, so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard. (Deja Q, to Riker)

Nothing you do will cause galaxies to explode, or the Federation to collapse. Frankly, Picard, you aren't that important. (Tapestry)

--Q, Star Trek:The Next Generation

I'll get a life when someone demonstrates that it would be superior to what I have now. --Gym Quirk

R

You have had many sadnesses, large ones, which passed. And you say that even this passing was difficult and upsetting for you. But please, ask yourself whether these large sadnesses haven't rather gone right through you. Perhaps many things inside you have been transformed; perhaps somewhere, deep inside your being, you have undergone important changes while you were sad.

 Ranier Maria Rilke, "Letters to a Young Poet"

He's come up with half of the algorithms used in the 20th century, but wouldn't actually recognize an actual computer if you dropped it on him.

Jason Riek, about Dana Scott

It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. --Pat Robertson, about the Equal Rights Amendment

Dar: I suck, but only for money.
Ted: Dan, I did not need to know that. What are you doing Friday night? --Dan Root and Ted Phan

I-E-T-M spells 'pigfucker'. --Deanna Rubin

It's not the apocalypse, it's the nuclear winter. --Adam Rixey

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me...only he's an imbecile. --Spider Robinson

Andrew literally forced Mick and I to start writing songs. My first reaction was 'Who do you think I am, John Lennon?' --Keith Richards

Besides, it's all science fiction anyway. --Keith Richards

Take it back three or four thousand years--take it back to that cat who found a bone and beat the bone on the rock and started to yell at the full moon, and then you might have the original song--and that's rock 'n' roll. --Keith Richards

The state doesn't do what I tell it to do, which is fair, because I don't do what the state tells me to do. --Desmodus Rotundus

I have a watch back home that opens interdimensional wormholes and sucks me to any point in the space-time continuum I want. I'm currently in the process of suing those "Sliders" bastards at Fox. --Adam Rixey

I've been a dirty old man since age 12. --Dan Robinson

...The warrior heart of the Velvet Underground. --Lou Reed, about Sterling Morrison (1942-1995)

Anyone who ever had a heart, wouldn't turn around and break it.
And anyone who ever played a part wouldn't turn around and hate it... --Lou Reed