E
I listed Barney as my primary hate because I can do something
about my Barbie hate. My niece has lots of the dolls and sometimes we play
this game where they compete for a holiday or something. So to win the prize,
I have to make each doll take part in a diving contest. And the harder I
chuck them at the floor (which represents the pool) the better my niece
the judge likes it. I find this process to be very good therapy and would
recommend it to you all.
Barbara Evans
It's like a game of diplomatic chicken.
Laura Zittrain Eisenberg, about Arab/Israeli
peace
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent
people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the
best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
You are not alone. We are all the same, all in this
fragile skin, suffering the ugliness of simply being human, all prey to the
same mortal dreads.
Harlan Ellison
One can, however, spend only so much time in the company
of a dead pig without becoming depressed.
David Eddings
I have killfiled all usenet articles from prodigy.com
due to the interminable phone sex spams and the "me too" posts. I'm much happier
now.
Bruce Ediger
The BOB(c) is to the Monkees as Kibo is to the Beatles.
E Teflon Piano
It clashes with my sense of survival, Sir!
Ensign Insignificant, Sev
Trek
I'm only an apprentice shaman. I shouldn't have interfered.
Ed, Northern Exposure
Hydrogen and stupidity are the two commonest elements
in the universe.
Harlan Ellison
F
[A] thing is symmetrical if there is something we can
do to it so that after we have done it, it looks the same as it did before.
Richard Feynman
Laura is the Monkey Queen of Evil.
Debra Fran Baker
We needed an advantage, Ray. I had to unnerve them. There's
nothing more unnerving than men talking about feelings.
Benton Fraser, due South
The decline in American pride, patriotism, and piety can
be directly attributed to the extensive reading of so-called 'science fiction'
by our young people. This poisonous rot about creatures not of God's making,
societies of 'aliens' without a good Christian among them, and raw sex between
unhuman beings with three heads and God alone knows what sort of reproductive
apparatus keeps our young people from realizing the true will of God.
Jerry Falwell, in Reader's Digest, 1985. The
crack monkey.
I don't have to know an answer...I don't feel frightened
by not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without having
any purpose. Which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell.
Richard Feynman, who probably knew everything
anyway
There are two types of women in this world, those
who like chocolate and complete bitches.
Dawn French
I was a lesbian once, at school. But only for about
15 minutes, so I don't think it counts.
Fiona, Four Weddings and a Funeral
Senators Exon and Gorton: I wave my private parts
at your aunties and fart in your general direction -- and if you don't like
that, you can kiss my filthy, lewd, lascivious, indecent ass.
Christine Faltz
G
A lot of things are better telnet clients than the default
win95 telnet program...winmine.exe, the cd program, or a ford pinto, for
example.
Aaron Goldstein
DNA doesn't work that way this week.
David Gillette, regarding Star Trek
And God said, "Let there be color!" And there was
color. And it was Technicolor. And it was bright.
Kristin Gulling
Chalky, tasteless, weird. And not weird in a good
way, like a big pouch full of ponies, weird in a bad way. Like a mime.
Jeff Gerstmann, about Zima
I am the God damnedest mass of tact known to the human
race.
'Jesse Garon'
Q:What kind of DNA do clones have?
A:Xeroxyribonucleic acid.
GriffJon the Sinistral Minstral
Dragons are the living embodiment of power, purpose,
and real estate devaluation.
Marc Gabriele
I want to be a Fornication Gun when I grow up, mommy
mommy!
Jen Gray, when I said something about Sex Pistols
and Fornication Guns
But you're much bigger than me. The moths would never
be able to finish you off all at once. They'd have to take you home and put
you in Tupperware.
Jen Gray, to Shawn Knight (who doesn't like
moths)
I only date raving space loonies.
Jen Gray
Tufte likes to point out that there are only two industries
that call their customers users -- those selling technology and those selling
drugs.
Eric Justin Gould
How I love the smell of cyberpunk in the morning.
Michael Gold
H
When any government, or any church for that
matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, 'This you may not read, this
you must not see, this you are forbidden to know,' the end result is tyranny
and oppression, no matter how holy the motives. Mighty little force is needed
to control a man whose mind has been hoodwinked; contrariwise, no amount
of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack,
not fission bombs, not anything--you can't conquer a free man; the most
you can do is kill him.
Robert A. Heinlein
I to my perils
Of cheat and charmer
Came clad in armor
By stars benign.
Hope lies to mortals
And most believe her,
But man's deceiver
Was never mine.
A.E. Housman
I've always been very irritated at the use of the
word "pretentious" when it comes to music. In general usage pretentious is
taken to mean illegitimately haughty. When it is used in music reviews what
it really means is intellectual, different, and uncompromising. Pretentious
translates into "I don't get it". I fail to see this as a valid criticism.
Halloween Jack (hjack@winternet.com)
I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to
act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed
interstate commerce.
J. Edgar Hoover
Happy:
There's one cutting word
And also one season word
Slicing and Falling
Nat:
in the autumn days
I carve haiku into trees
ouch, I cut myself
Happy Steve Chai & Nat Lanza on graffiti.quotes.haiku
The meek shall inherit the earth. The rest of us are
going to the stars.
Robert Heinlein
The headman witch doctor hankers to chew the rag with
the rest of the sky pilots.
Robert Heinlein, Sixth Column
If you can't answer a man's argument, all is not lost;
you can still call him vile names.
Elbert Hubbard
The birds are in misery, I don't think they sing.
They just screech in pain.
Werner Herzog
I
Yudachi ya
Hadaka de norishi
Hadaka uma
A sudden shower--
I am riding naked
on a naked horse.
Kobayashi Issa, tr. Miura Yuzuru
I think that Vulcan is a geekocracy where the people who
know the most about sci-fi get to rule.
Keith Irwin
J
He cries for one and a half pages, which is a long time
in fiction time, which is kinda like dog years, but more about that later.
Dennis Johnson
Ah, Jello. The Minnesota delicacy. Mankind's greatest
achievement. Colorful and versatile. If you put shredded carrots in it, it's
a vegetable. If you put a dollop of Miracle Whip on it and serve it on a leave
of lettuce, it's a salad. If you put fruit in it, it's dessert. If you put
fruit in it and Cool Whip on top of it, it's a *special* dessert.
Don't get me started on Dream Whip and Lipton's Onion
Soup Mix.
Jungle Kitty
This is how good a fellatrix I am. I can think while
I give a blowjob.
Jungle Kitty
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there
are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.
Thomas Jefferson
This may seem a bit too nice, but...well, I'm in West
Virginia without a cousin--I have time to think.
Penn Jillette
One thing I will say about the American press this
time, is that, in spite of the rubbish written by the usual idiots who come
back to the dressing room and say: 'Which one of you is Ringo,' we are getting
great reviews.
Mick Jagger, 7/22/66
Maybe she noticed because he didn't smack his head
on the door as he entered.
Philip John, on why Leia noticed Luke was "a
little short for a stormtrooper"
I am Connor MkLinux of the clan MkLinux. There can
be only one.
Tara Jennings
There's no union called the AFL-CIA is there?
Gary Johnson
K
I'm not tongue-kissing mav no matter how drunk he gets.
Shawn Knight
well, heck. I mean, I'd probably be doing some wacky evil
sex-magick ritual to get one more demon to terrorize one more church before
I buy the ranch anyhow ... but don't quote me on that
Shawn Knight, on what he'd do if he was in a crashing
plane
Once there was The People--Terror gave it birth;
Once there was The People and it made a Hell of Earth.
Earth arose and crushed it. Listen, O ye slain!
Once there was The People--it shall never be again!
Rudyard Kipling, "MacDonough's
Song"
I think you would have a better chance of finding the
western terminus of PA 56, Jimmy Hoffa, and the lost continent of Atlantis,
than finding the southern terminus of PA 28.
Jeff Kitsko,
on pgh.general
"Uh, guys - guys? When I said we should all live
according to the precepts of logic, I wasn't talking about reductio ad absurdam."
-- Surak of Vulcan.
Katisha
Giving multiple marriages a bad name. Not to mention Sentinel
viewers, slashers, internet people and science-fiction fans in general.
Not to mention the human race.
Katisha, about the Sentinel slash series "Get
Your Kix."
Ah, but Blair isn't a paragon of manly manhood. He's destined
to be Jim's woman.
Katisha
Gender:
Select one.
<snort >
Katisha
It occurs to me that I love this group. Where else
could you find discussions on painting and Treksmut and menstruation and Bach
and poetry and underage Obi Wan and the Wizard of Oz and transgender and nerdism
and homophobia and censorship and Pippi Longstocking and architecture and
furniture? Oh yes, and Garak in a cheerleading outfit.
Katisha, about fuh-q
That's just like my life, except for the comfort part.
Corey Kosak, about hurt/comfort fiction
Comrades! We must abolish the cult of the individual
decisively, once and for all.
Nikita Khrushchev
me? i'm a harmless little fuzzball.
Anu Kapoor
Your only redeeming quality is your breast size.
Amul Kumar, to me
Ridley Scott++ outweighs Demi Moore--
Seth Kingman
But other than sporadic network outages, the occasional
hardware trouble, gangs of large men armed with implements of destruction,
power failures, and segmentation faults, things are going quite well.
Greg Kemp
Midnight. Sober and fully dressed. This sucks.
Kevin T. Keith
fling me not i like to fly
but the pavement hurts
when i leave the sky.
Jesse Skydog Kates
Todd, you sick bastard, people shouldn't be using
belt sanders in public. Keep your belt sanding in your bedroom, you burrito
obsessed fruit.
Anu Kapoor
Heather: My Mountain Dew says:
"for best taste drink by 0631DEO9256 WV-2".
Odd. Does anybody have any idea what date that is?
Keith: That would be the 631st of December 9256, just
like it says. The WV-2 part indicates that you can safely wait until twice
that in West Virginia (their health regulations are much more lax).
Exchange between Keith Irwin & Heather Keith
on graffiti.hkeith
Can there be a church of Latter Day Thelemites based
somewhere in Utah?
Shawn Knight
This hour in history needs a dedicated circle of transformed
nonconformists. Dangerous passions of pride, hatred and selfishness are
enthroned in our lives; truth lies prostrate on the rugged hills of nameless
Calvaries. The saving of our world from pending doom will come, not through
the complacent adjustment of the conforming majority, but through the creative
maladjustment of a nonconforming minority.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1963)
L
occasionally I think all of civilization is going to end
up being destroyed
by a buffer overflow bug.
Nat Lanza
yes, yes, sensitive, acoustic, multicultural rhythms,
sensitive, yoga, tantric sex, sensitive.
shut up and sing some old Police stuff again.
Nat Lanza, on Sting
I think that pony I ordered has the specs for a good PKI
in its saddlebags.
Nat Lanza
AEPi is probably the only frat CMU could safely put on
that corner, come to think of it. "Driving by, we saw the flickering
lights of a party, so we stopped to investigate. But it turned out to be
just a bunch of Jewish engineering students eating M&Ms and watching
TV."
Lorelei Laird
...one of the side benefits of being a bitch is that you
get to sling insults around.
Lorelei Laird
i eat cream cheese as it was intended to be eaten: straight
from the package with a spoon.
Lynn (KK)
all of a sudden i feel like a goddamned elf.
Lynn (KK)
beer? excuse me? kk consumes no intoxicants. life
is difficult enough for her without putting a thief in her mouth to steal
her brains.
Lynn (KK)
important safety tip: never let anybody on prednisone
handle the checkbook.
Lynn (KK)
important safety tip: don't keep your right ovary in your
vagina.
Lynn (KK)
I blame Gore Vidal. I have a bad version of "Mr. Sandman"
in my head. "Mr. Pimpman, sell me some trade. Make it the sweetest trade that
I've ever laid."
Nat Lanza
Only to the white man was nature a "wilderness" and
only to him was the land "infested" with "wild" animals and "savage" people.
To us it was tame.
Luther Standing Bear, Chief of the Oglala Sioux
Gays are lucky. Look, men have problems with women.
Women have problems with men. Gay men don't have this problem. They understand
men. They *are* men. Gay women--they understand women! Sure, there's that
pesky societal disapproval and unequal rights under the law, but..
Nat Lanza
He wears his woe as others wear velvet;
sorrow flatters him like the light of candles;
tears becoming him like jewels.
Lestat, about Louis, in Anne Rice's Vampire
Chronicles
There's a thin line between genius and insanity. I
have erased this line.
Oscar Levant
Mr. Prefect from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
had a twin brother who instead of going into the business of spreading info
went into the business of hiding info and became a spy... Fnord Prefect.
Mark Lively
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at
tax collectors--and miss.
Lazarus Long
All families play games. Mine uses specious arguments
and plausible deniability.
Nat Lanza
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan
an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet,
balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders,
give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem,
pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die
gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
Lazarus Long
Once I found out the secret of the Universe. I have
forgotten what it was, but I know that the Creator does not take Creation
seriously, for I remember that he sat in Space with all His work in front
of Him and laughed.
Lord Dunsany, "The Hashish Man"
Attribute "Fun" in Object "Work" is undefined.
Tal Latimer
John: This is a test.
This is only a test.
Should this test have been a real Help Center emergency, Tim Farley, Help
Center Commando would have appeared in your office instead of sending a zephyr,
and would have picked you up by the scruff of your neck in order to force
you to do whatever it is that you have not done that he feels that you should
have done. Flogging is optional.
This is only a test.
Tim: flogging is never optional.
John Lerchey and Tim Farley on -c advisor -i
graffiti
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